The Manboobz Greatest Hits Hall of Fame

This is a thread for the funniest, smartest, most over-the-top awesome comments made in the Manboobz comment threads! These great comments don't deserve to get lost in the ocean of time and the sea of David K. Meller rants. Let's preserve them and honor them here.

The Rules:
1. No posting your own comments! It has to be someone else's work. And credit them, obviously.
2. This thread is for awesomely awesome comments. "Awesomely terrible comments" would be another thread. (And probably a big one.)
3. Post comments that are exceptionally funny or clever, not just comments you agree with a lot or want to signal boost.

And now, the reason I made this thread, by Ozymandias:

Seth Rogen: The Spearhead, thanks for coming to your performance review
The Spearhead: No problem
Seth Rogen: So you’re the misogynist around here, is that fair to say?
The Spearhead: Absolutely, I hate women.
Seth Rogen: Ok, so take us through a day in the life of a misogynist
The Spearhead: Well the first thing I do is…

Post a comment (hate women)
Whine online (hate women)
Hate on single moms (hate women)
Old women are beasts (hate women)
Blame survivors (hate women)
Fat women are pigs (hate women)
Sluts are worthless (hate women)
Hit on Deborah (hate women)
Get rejected (hate women)
Post on roissy (hate women)
’bout my harem (hate women)
Get a sexbot (hate women)
Cry deeply (hate women)
Demand a refund (hate women)
(like a boss)
Neg Deborah (hate women)
Get maced (hate women)
Fifth of vodka (hate women)
She’s a bitch (hate women)

Go my own way (hate women)
I’m going (hate women)
Oh, fuck me I can’t fucking do it shit
Pussy out (hate women)

Deborah spits on me (hate women)
Troll Manboobz (hate women)
FUCK ALPHA FUCK (hate women)
Economic stagnation!!!! (hate women)
Cock carousel (hate women)
Hunt the mammoth (hate women)
PEACE AND FREEDOM! (hate women)
Eat some bonbons (hate women)
Book of Learning (hate women)
$MONEY$ (hate women)
Pussy pass (hate women)
Sockpuppet (hate women)
Short skirts rape men (hate women)
Schoolbuses are evil (hate women)
Accused of rape (hate women)
Now I’m dead (hate women)

Seth Rogen: Uhhuh, so that’s an average day for you, then?
The Spearhead: No doubt.
Seth Rogen: You hunt a mammoth and die?
The Spearhead: Hell yeah.
Seth Rogen: I think at one point there you said something about a sexbot?
The Spearhead: Nah.
Seth Rogen: Actually, I’m pretty sure you did.
The Spearhead: Nah, that ain’t me.
Seth Rogen: Okay, well, this has been eye-opening for me.
The Spearhead: I hate women.
Seth Rogen: Yeah, no, I got that, you said it 400 times.
The Spearhead: I hate women.
Seth Rogen: Yeah, yeah, I got it.
The Spearhead: I hate women.
Seth Rogen: OK, great, I heard you, bye.
The Spearhead: …I’m so alone.

all of my stuff is lost in the mists of time

Amigreatness shall be mined for!

I don't think you're done being awesome, either, Ami.

Holly throws herself on a grenade, albeit a dud.

Though the best line is in the comment after: "It’s probably his first ever offer like this one, while a crude and ultimately hateful pseudo-proposition from a guy wouldn’t be my first this week."

Is it that hard to be nice?

Anyway, best metaphor ever: "like trying to buy groceries in Innsmouth"

Huh. I'm both surprised and touched to get a mention on this topic. Thanks.

Anyway, I present a work of genius, from shaenon to David K. Meller, on the subject of his oft -mentioned, much-anticipated "cyber-cuties":

David, you ignorant slut! (Rest assured, I use both “ignorant” and “slut” in their non-pejoritive senses, so unless you are some kind of hyper-sensitive masculinist, the type so tragically common and commonly tragic in this fallen age, you will surely not be offended!!) I laugh quite heartily, threatening the balance of my humours and the smooth functioning of my pyloric valve, at the notion of mere “men” constructing mechanical contrivances to take the place of WOMEN!!!

Let us put aside for a moment the comical idea of men building such devices, as if men possessed human intellect!!!! Without the glorious female presence, how would men survive? Why, without the life-giving rays of a Real Woman, the average man wilts away and loses all his blossoming beauty!!!!!

No, men need simply work harder to please women, and they will be rewarded with a loving and generous jack-boot upon their adorably hairy throats!!!!!! Hie thee to the boudoir and make thyself fluffy, David, and perhaps even you may catch the eye of some dominant woman on the hunt for a properly submissive husband!!!!!!!

As for me, I must tend to my health, as conversing with a mere “man” saps my womanly energies!!!!!!!! O cruel Fortuna!!!!!!!!! Off to tend to my valve!!!!!!!!!

PEACE AND CYBERNETICS!!!!!!!!!!!
SHAENON!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the comments on the post about different MRA acronyms.

"Mandolin | November 17, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Committee for the Lashing and Interrogation of Treacherous Ovarians and their Removal from our Innocent Society."

and then
"Bagelsan | November 17, 2011 at 3:06 pm

MRAs tried to join that committee, but they could never find it…"

Another winner:
Morchella
“Against Silly She-people Having Overt Liberty and Equality”

I'd like to nominate Bagelsan for the best mixed metaphor of the year:

If at first you don’t succeed a stitch in time saves a gift horse in the mouth when you can get the milk for free if you can’t say anything nice at all like a box of chocolates. WORDS OF WISDOM, BITCHES.”

If it weren't for the horribly sexist ending, I would find that funny.

Baron_Blackheart wrote:If it weren't for the horribly sexist ending, I would find that funny.

In Bagelsan's defense, it makes more sense in context: http://manboobz.com/2011/11/19/100-mathmatically-accurate-manosphere-blogger-dalrock-on-slut-shaming/comment-page-5/#comment-84261

Lauralot:

So we’ve got Troll Number One demanding apologies for pointing out that he was wrong, Troll Number Two telling us vagina are meat jars, and Troll Number Three explaining with far too many exclamation points how our end is nigh.

God, this would be the worst episode of The Dating Game since the one with the serial killer.

(from here: http://manboobz.com/2011/11/26/dear-men-who-hate-ladies-how-do-i-make-my-boner-go-away/comment-page-6/#comment-88316)

I think if I contributed to this thread it would just become a list of everything Bagelsan has said, ever.

- Bagelsan should probably have a dedicated Greatest Hits thread.

all of my stuff that ppl liked was months ago :( I got depressed and isolated at the wrong time :\

Useful Life Tip #347: If your dating strategy involves trying to make people feel bad so they’ll think they can’t do any better than you, you are failing at life. Not just dating. Life.

from Shaenon

From Lauralot (in response to a MGHOW, sung to tune of "I will Survive"):

At first, I was confused
I was mystified
Couldn’t make heads or tails
Of the posts JTK’d provide
But he spent so much time
Telling us how we were wrong
He prolonged
As my eyes rolled on and on
And he’s still here
Posting on this site
For a man going his own way
I don’t think he’s got it right
He should be out without women
He should be running wild and free
But instead he’s staying here
Annoying the hell out of you and me

JTK, just go, walk out the door
Hope the door hits your ass
See, you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who said you’re just stopping by
You thought we’d forget
You thought we’d believe that stupid lie
Oh no, not us
We mock our trolls
And as long as we are here to snark
Their posts we will steamroll
We’ve got all the day to post
We’ve got dumbass trolls to roast
And we’ll mock them
We’ll mock them
Hey hey!

This post today from Holly made me laugh pretty hard:

Anyway, this answers NWO’s question about “why isn’t new life forming today?”

http://www.talkorigins.org/indexcc/CB/CB020.html

Evidence for why we don’t have superdogs, however, continues to elude scientists, with many of them simply claiming “But Buddy is a superdog, isn’t that right Buddywuddy?” while ruffling their dog’s ears.

This definitely deserves a spot on the Hall of Fame. From Holly, to NWOslave:

On the Twelfth day of Christmas, En-wo gave to me:
12 babies slutting
11 proteins folding
10 whores a-whoring
9 titles IXing
8 jews a-scheming
7 books a-lying
6 dogs evolving
5 ZIEEEEE CREEEAAAATUREEEEES
4 russian letters
3 living rocks
2 rape excuses
And a flouride conspiracy!

Nine titles IXing. XD XD XD XD XD

That post made my night.

Moewicus & Lauralot's effort here made me laugh really hard:

How is law formed. How is law formed. How legislation get pragent.

They need to do way instain legislators> who veto thier bills becuse these bills cant frigth back?

it was on the news this mroning a legislator in ar who had veto his three bills. they are taking the bill back to new york to lady to rest. my pary are with the congressman who lost his blils ; i am truely sorry for your lots.

David K. Meller, aka Roger T. Cramwell’s ineptly pathetic attempt at sock-puppetry prompted the following response, truly worthy of being invested in the grrrrande pantheon of all-time smackdowns: Viscaria, take a bow!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ll spell it out for you a little bit, DKM! We’ll call it:

Viscaria’s Tips for Successful Bad-Faith Manipulation of Discussions on Manboobz

Chapter 1: Sockpuppetry.

Do you find that none of the feminist shrikes on Manboobz are rushing in to agree with you? Those cruel harridans! But no matter, you can make your own Manboobz champion with the technique known as sockpuppetry! A sock puppet is to real-life supporters what a creepy doll is to a real-life girlfriend: only an imitation, but better than the real thing because it has no pesky will of its own. So, let’s get started!

Step 1: Use a different email address than you usually do.

This step is very important, because your gravatar is linked to your email address. Unfortunately, many Manboobz readers are more intelligent than your average lamp (this will cause us trouble later in the chapter as well) and will be able to recognize a gravatar that they have seen many times before, especially if they only have to scroll up half of a page to see it beside your usual ‘nym.

Step 2: Choose your name wisely.

Take a glance at the ‘nym of other commenters on the site. Then, take a look at your usual handle. Is there something unique to your ‘nym, something that makes you immediately stand out? Try not using that exact same quality in the new handle you devise. Perhaps you can try naming yourself after an animal or plant! The author of these tips has drawn her own ‘nym from a flower. But you wouldn’t want to do that, because flowers are girly. Gross.

Step 3: Act as if you have not encountered these unfluffy types before.

While it is very tempting to respond to the vicious attacks the Manboobz shrikes have sent your way, it’s probably best to use your regular account to do this. When your sock puppet starts defending you in the 1st person, some may become suspicious. This is where that “smarter than a lamp” problem comes up once more.

Step 4: Try to do something – anything – to distinguish your sock’s writing from your usual style

We all have tics in our writing that may stick out in the minds of our readers. Some writers will use a very casual voice, some writers have a fondness for certain words, and some writers write as if they were 17th century vampires with a sticky exclamation mark key. It can be hard, sometimes, to recognize our own writing quirks, so this is where you will want to employ the same techniques as you did in step 2. Take a glance around at the other comments – what differences exist between those comments and your own? How often, say, do these other comments use feminine suffixes, or use a question mark in brackets beside a word (as in, “women(?)”). Once you have discovered some of the distinguishing features of your own writing style, try to avoid them when writing in your sock’s voice.

Step 5: Have fun!

You now have all the tools you need to make those unloving shrews squirm! Enjoy watching them as, one by one, they renounce feminism and pledge to find a man to submit to, like perfect porcelain dolls made flesh.

NWOslave said he couldn't read Ami's comments because of all the emoticons and stopped commenting. Lauralot then had the brilliant idea of writing the most NWO-provoking sentence possible and then putting an emoticon at the end of it. Then, this whole thread happened:

Lauralot:

NWO, remember the time you didn’t get a job at Pepsi because of a woman? I was that woman!

Ami:

When I’m bored, I borrow the credit card of my sugardaddy and fly to Texas where I buy out every single bookstore of the latest Star Wars book and donate them all to the libraries. xD

I’ve advised a community clinic which wanted to have genderless washrooms but couldn’t afford to revamp their building to remove their gendered bathroom signs and put up signs indicating what kinds of toilets and urinals each washroom has.

Capt. Bathrobe:

I used to be independently wealthy, but then I saw a woman crying in the street, and I had to give her all my money. ‘Cause that’s, like, the law. XD

And, finally, Bee:

I cried in the street today and got 12 cars! I saw a homeless man with no legs dragging himself down the street on a piece of cardboard. I could have given him a ride to the shelter, I guess, but instead I flashed my leg at him and had an orgasm! XD

You can't pick just one!

I’ve advised a community clinic which wanted to have genderless washrooms but couldn’t afford to revamp their building to remove their gendered bathroom signs and put up signs indicating what kinds of toilets and urinals each washroom has.

That's actually real. xD

Yeah, basically NWO now claims that any emoticon in a post makes it unreadable to him, so basically it's a <!-- sign xD Which means from now on, he shouldn't be responding to showing any knowledge gleaned (or quoting from) any post with any emoticon in it xD

Why do I think he's gonna keep this as much as he'll keep his other threats to never talk to me again xD (incl that I couldn't type the way I do, and that I can't refer to him in the third person, etc)

So let's keep track

In the thread of greatness, it's hard to pick out greatest hits, especially from Ami, so I'll be back, but I admit a a particular appreciation for this contribution of hers to the store of NWO's theology -

"Little known fact: God had a Daughter too, but no way He’d send HER to die."

Wow, NWO did NOT have a good night. o_o Even for a confrontation with me... no "flounce", no "good night, suckers!", no "enjoy your hate feminists! I'm going to bed!" just.. KABOOM!!!



he tried to not post until I left, but I kept baiting him that he was proving he's scared of me... he takes the bait... I started herding him away from his positions... he tried to ignore me, failed, started fraying at the edges, tried the last ditch panic move "transphobia", failed... ended up putting restrictions on himself I'm sure he's going to regret and go back on by tomorrow xDDD and then BOOM! vanished into nothingness xD 3 hours before when he usually flounces to bed screaming at us... that's a poor showing, even for him. Zhinxy tells me NWO was on a real roll tonight before I showed up too xD

I give huge thumbs up to Lauralot for being an excellent wingperson too :D

And everybody else that joined in after and made it an amazing thread of amazing! :D *gives medals to everybody* :D